Getting A Grip

Australia, melbourne

2010-12-09T16:19:00.004+08:00

Heh, it's been a good week or so catching up with my best buddy here in Melb. I can see how tough life can be living in a entirely new habitat, or country rather. Heh, the days here in Aussie are much longer than in Singapore. The sun is still up at hours like 8pm. If only Singapore could have 4 seasons, aye...

I can only imagine how tough it can be to migrate to a different country with a completely new home, new school, new friends, I doubt I'd be able to pull through myself. How dull it would be if you weren't able to forge new friendships with schoolmates and such.

Really grateful to Russell and his parents for being such great hosts to my Mum and I, cooking so many meals for us, accommodating us at their house and showing us the city area. It's just really great to have friends like these in your life. It's funny how I'm starting to call this house "home". That's how hospitable they are, opening up their doors for us to stay in.

I just got back from having pancakes at this nearby mall, picked up a random 6/10 conditioned exercise bike on the way back home, haha. Took shifts to carry it, pretty cool I guess. Well, this holiday's been great so far, can't wait for the Muse concert ^^

Cheers :D

Shut Up

2010-10-27T20:17:00.006+08:00

Azure light penetrated through the solitary dusty window of my dilapidated apartment. As I rolled my head over to my alarm clock - 12 September. Today, was The Day. I muscled my way out of my rickety bed and got on to my feet. It felt like I was wearing a ten ton vest on my torso. Each limb of my body was tensed up and contracted. I was sick of the muskiness of my living room, sick of the visible dust particles amplified by the sunlight. I had enough of it. Despite being in a state of solicitude, I had to do what I had to do.
Excerpt from my O's essay for Question 2, hope it's enough.

It's annoying how people keep announcing their "scores" online. It's like they have the answer key to the damn papers and are 100% sure that they can score a perfect 100%. What's in the past, should be left in the past, sure we're all taking the same paper, but hey, just shut up until the results are released yeah? It'd be nice not to condescend your peers.

Heh, O's have been swell I guess, whether I've done well for the papers, I'll just leave that to time. I really just wanna' get over with it and not give hoot about my performance. Of course, I'm not gonna' neglect the papers and not give it a 110%, but if you've done your best for the paper, is there really much to discuss after the paper's already over?

Just waiting each day for the next day to come. Sorta' how it'd feel like if you had some terminal illness and you were just awaiting death. However in this case it'd be the complete opposite and we're all just abiding this time till it ends. Till it ends...

All the best guys, don't stop. Just keep moving forward cos' there ain't no turning back. There's no difference between staying on the right track and the wrong track if you're just gonna' sit there and wait. So cheers!

off-track

2010-10-19T21:03:00.002+08:00

I can't help but tell myself there's some sort of force in my room that prevents me from keeping my focus and mugging, urgh :/ Aye it's kinda' discomforting knowing that all the Sec 4s are out there studying like they've never studied before and here I am wasting more and more time on stupid little activities like blogging.

The only purpose us Sec 4s have in life right now honestly, is to study for O levels. I actually only felt the heat about a month ago, and I guess I'll only know if that was too late when the results come out. I've been an average student all my life, seriously. My level position for the Prelim 2 was 135/269. That's a 134 people who did better than me and another 134 people who did worse than me, I'm your median guy.

Honestly, I'm sorta' moodless right now. I just feel like sitting here in my chair, rotting... Urgh. 5 more days, awesome.

Jail Term

2010-10-12T21:47:00.003+08:00

Somehow I enjoy blogging just to get things off of my chest. Who am I kidding, I'm just sick of doing physics already. Especially after attempting that demoralizing SCGS paper. Argh, just gotta' slug it out for a few more weeks and it'll be home sweet home. I find it ironic how the more I think about the end of the Os, the less I study for it. Gotta' stay focused I guess, but it's definitely easier said than done huh?

I'm pretty damn sure that I'm not the only Sec 4 out there right now who wants the O levels right now. For them, they were probably ready months ago, but in my case, I just want this damn thing over. It's such a drag, and honestly, I just wanna' get it off my shoulders. Why do I sound so negative! Hah, ah well, tomorrow's a new day, and it brings us one step closer to the foot of the mountain. Need to start spending my time wisely. I think that's what I said 3 months ago, heh. So long...

Am I starting to miss you?

Heh, reading my archives kinda' brings back the glory days...

Love

2010-10-09T21:11:00.002+08:00

You never know the value of something you have until you lose it. Somehow friendships are often taken for granted and aren't treated as delicately as they should be. That being said, we often like to take everything that we have for granted as well, like our education, our homes, our families. All these everyday features that we get to enjoy are often just glanced at, never really cherished in the manner they deserve to be.

Having spent 2 years with my class, I've learned many valuable lessons in life. One lesson was to learn how to accept the harsh reality of life, that sometimes, our bubble has to be popped, it's not all rainbows and butterflies in a perfect world where nothing is wrong anymore. It's a cruel world, where there are people out there who value money more than anything, friendships, other people's lives and so on. I've experienced the trials and tribulations of a not so typical student, and yet I've gone through so many good times with these impermeable friendships that I have forged. It's indescribable this bunch, it truly is.

Life is now a clearer path to me, it's not just a road shrouded in mystery. I'm now on the right lane, and it's full speed ahead.

back to basics

2010-09-01T15:08:00.003+08:00

It's an old photo, but this was the one that kinda' made me pick up photography, heh.

Well it's been awhile since I last scribbled on this old blog, guess it's time to start again since I got some time to burn and I need some help thinking about how to develop my art paper. Ok come to think of it, I'm not really in the mood to write today, haha. I guess this post is more like a "welcome back" post. Cheers.

Beat of the Day: In Love With A Girl - Gavin Degraw

demon

2010-08-10T20:30:00.007+08:00

I wanna' fly.

I'm poor, not financially but in other aspects, probably lacking in maturity. Lacking the understanding of the value of my possessions. I gotta' take a step back, and take a look at things from afar, see things from a wider perspective. Just look at what I'm posting this entry with, a MacBook. Some people don't even have computers, hah. And I'm only speaking in terms of the living standards in Singapore.

How do we measure fortune? Definitely without taking into account all the physical objects in our lives like our houses, our beds, our allowance, does all that really matter? Until technology comes up with some way to measure one's felicity, I guess the only one who can really tell how fortunate you are is none other than yourself. If you aren't willing to die for anything in your life, is there really a point in living?

Hypocrisy can only hide you for so long, there comes a point where everybody has to find themselves, discover what they really have in their lives, what they really long for. Self-consciousness is definitely a weakness in the human mind, anxiety about what peers think about your outward appearance, about your social status and what not. I can only hope that I will learn to grow out of that one day. To live in a world where everybody is comfortable without having masks on, no fronts put on. That would be the world.

All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Beat of the Day: Waterfall - Gavin Degraw

singapore

2010-08-09T19:49:00.002+08:00

On a brighter note, Happy Birthday Singapore! Hah, I almost forgot.

charity

2010-08-09T18:11:00.002+08:00

You know your parents don't know you when:
1. The only thing they can talk to you about is how little they see you study and how ugly my face is.
2. They think you're interested in something you tell them you're not.
3. They look at jewels more than you.
4. They don't know how seriously you take some of your interests.

If you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about in 3, well, I'm talking about bejeweled. By totaling the number of star medals they got, I'd say they played about 4000+ games altogether, and 1 game lasts a minute, with an additional 5 seconds for that "final hurrah" thing. So 65 multiplied by 4000 would give you a total of 260,000 seconds, which gives you about 4334 minutes which equates to 72 hours, which is 3 whole freaking days. Can you imagine playing the same thing on a handphone for 72 hours? From the virgin hours of the morning to the dead hours of the night, all I hear is "1 minute, GO". Followed by "shing, shing, zap zap zap". Wonderful isn't it?

How the hell would you know how much I'm studying when you barely even see me at all? How certain are you that you can say you see me for more than 2 hours straight everyday, not counting the time when I'm asleep. And you make all these claims that you don't see me studying at all, you don't see me putting in any effort. If that's the case, you probably don't think God is real since you can't see him either huh?

I know what I want for myself, I don't exactly appreciate you telling me what I should be interested in, because that just doesn't flow y'know?

Sorry for so much angst in this post, I know this is suppose to be a blog of "new direction" and more euphoric posts, but everyone needs to let of some steam every once in awhile don't they? I wish I had my drums, but guess what, refer to no. 4!

Beat of the Day: 83 - John Mayer

2010-08-07T21:38:00.004+08:00

Yay. I like to think of it not as a drawing, call it a "visual diary" if you may.

I don't know, but for some reason, I've been lost for words lately. Click on the drawing and go scrutinize every single detail you can find ;D

Beat of the Day: Not Afraid - Eminem

FOLs

2010-08-04T22:52:00.003+08:00

You can't all pretend
That you don't know enough
Enough to make sense
All this will be gone
And you can sink beneath
The rapture we've spawned

Everybody seems to be having life problems these days, maybe if everybody realizes we're all going through our own warped dimension of troubles, we'll stop trying to gain sympathy from our peers and we'll all just gladly receive the pain. What the hell am I talking about, this is supposed to be a happy blog, hah.

C'mon people, you're not the only one going through troubles, everyone's probably experienced lows in some point of their life, be it whether they lost a couple of dollars, or got kicked out of school, or internal family issues, we've seen them all haven't we? Sometimes nobody can help us, and all those "comforting" words blurted out by our friends seem to be so perfect to the extent that it seems like it's a script. Like there's a drawer full of consoling essays labelled "comfort saddened friends" or something. Friendship consolidates one's emotional endurance, but I guess it can only give aid to you in certain ways. Smile people, we're all living under the same sky.

Beat of the Day: Floods - Fightstar

exculpate

2010-08-03T19:23:00.003+08:00

Somehow I just knew I'd get that reception. I guess I can't do anything now can I?

Beat of the Day: Fiction - Avenged Sevenfold

wistful

2010-08-02T20:27:00.004+08:00

I still think about you almost everyday...

I feel so helpless whenever I wonder how you're coping with things, whether or not I should even try to talk to you. Each time I feel like I should, I can't help but think that I'd be pushed away, for whatever deeds I did wrong. Is it wrong to miss you? Missing what we used to share? Penny for your thoughts, I sure wish there was a rewind button in life, but then again... Doesn't everybody? Life would be so meaningless if you could do things without consequences eh? I just find it so annoying when I think I'm through with all of it, and then a random action just brings all the memories back, I guess there'll always be that little box where the feelings we shared will be kept for a pretty long time and it could be opened any time.

Just when I had you off my head
Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed
You say you want to try again
But I've tried everything but giving in.

I bought a ticket on a plane
And by the time it landed, you were gone again
I love you more than songs can say
But I can't keep running after yesterday.

Man, is that appropriate or what... Guess it earned the spot of,

Beat of the Day: All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye - John Mayer
Heh, I've been listening to him a whole lot lately, good stuff good stuff.

roses

2010-08-01T19:25:00.004+08:00

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train.

Haven't had much time for the past couple of days but friday night was a pretty fun night at the art exhibition. Went back to school yesterday morning to sit for the mock E-math paper, and tuition afterwards. Had a test in there too, and damn... I couldn't complete a single question. Demoralizing...

Beat of the Day: Dreaming With A Broken Heart - John Mayer

full bloom

2010-07-30T23:39:00.001+08:00

It's just like somebody hit the rewind button and we're back to square one.

there goes another

2010-07-29T20:14:00.002+08:00

We started with 33 hopefuls, we're now down to 29.

One by one for so many different reasons, they leave. Some are given no choice, some leave on their own accord. It's really saddening knowing that there'll be one more empty seat in the class. It leaves a void in you when more and more of your friends go off, leaving behind a void in you. And you search high and low for anything that can fill that empty spot, but there isn't really anything that can fill a black hole is there? Frankly, that hollow feeling really sucks.

It's like we painstakingly burnt hours of free time to build this house of cards, and then the winds just blow it over. Even the cards are blown away, leaving behind twinges of emptiness.
To my dear friend:
Your life ain't over, you're full of surprises, I'm sure you can show me another. I hope you continue to strive in whatever road you choose to go down in life. I wish you all the best. Cheers~

Beat of the Day: Perfectly Lonely - John Mayer

splash

2010-07-27T20:54:00.001+08:00

Life changing decision... Life changing.

Beat of the Day: Infatuation - Maroon 5

loggerheads

2010-07-26T21:19:00.002+08:00

Don't you just wish you could relive those childhood play times? It's all too late to feel that you should've cherished those times now.

My cough's still been pretty bad over the past few days, it's been getting on my nerves. My throat keeps screaming for help during class. Mock mock mock, it's eating up my after school schedule, being a Sec 4 really sucks. Having less and less to talk about these days, I find it hard to admit, but... I have no life :(

Buh-buh-buh-Beat of the Day: Left, Right, & Center - Victor Wooten

bass extremes

2010-07-25T21:07:00.001+08:00

Hah, interesting.

warfare

2010-07-25T20:00:00.003+08:00

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of it's pupils.

Another busy week ahead, mock exams over and over again. I think it's time I started studying for other subjects other than math. Globa-globa-globalisation, argh. Is it me or is the air in school getting really stale. Haven't done anything exciting in awhile :/ Life's just like a broken record player. Looping the same old tune over and over again. Wish somebody could serve me a few new records on a silver platter, that'd make my day.

Beat of the Day: Free Fallin' - John Mayer

sartorial

2010-07-24T21:19:00.004+08:00

It's not always a bad thing to be left alone.

Garh, all my art documents have been clogging up my computer, the files for my boards are already taking up 2GB of space... And I'm not even done yet, urgh, photoshop keeps lagging on me. My trial for illustrator's also over, so guess I'll have to resort to use the school computers to do my rendering of my ink drawings from now on.

The walk yesterday night was a good one, heh. I really like recollecting the happenings of the day. Especially the high points, it's just like dreaming. They say dreams are a way to remember the events that took place on that day.

Is it wrong not to:
1. Feel stressed about Os
2. Study my ass off
3. Live everyday as if it were the last day to study

Because that really seems like what majority of the people are going through right now, and frankly it's kinda creepy. To be honest, I'm actually excited that Os are coming, haha. Can't wait to overthrow that beastly burden!

And love is evil, spell it backwards, I'll show ya'.

Beat of the Day: Unnatural Selections - Muse

2010-07-23T20:50:00.003+08:00

God, I'm finally done with 2 boards. Oh man, editing that many images is a real pain in the ass. Reminds me of the times when we did the yearbook during the holidays last year, ugh... I feel like going for a walk tonight, hmm, that's what I'll do, take a walk.

The weeks been getting better I guess, same old same old. Math lessons are getting more redundant by the day. OH and racial harmony celebrations today were an utter failure. I mean, the Science department planned it -.- What'd you expect? Felt like it was planned 5 minutes before the damn thing took place anyway, hah. Ah well TGIF! Another week down. -

Beat of the Day: Bad Girlfriend - Theory of a Deadman

mayday

2010-07-22T21:48:00.003+08:00

Isn't it an irony that as we grow older, our tolerance for the lack of sleep kinda' increases? I miss the times when we used to think sleeping at 11pm was a huge deal that you could brag to your friends about, hah. I think I'm starting to see things fall into place more these days. Maybe my brain's prioritizing everything for me. I recently finished reading a book, YES I FINISHED READING A BOOK, and to be honest, it was rather refreshing, heh.

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

The book's called, "How Starbucks Saved My Life", by Michael Gates Gill, it's actually an auto-biography of his life story, pretty interesting.

Beat of the Day: Spoilin' for a Fight - AC/DC

renounced

2010-07-20T20:46:00.004+08:00

It's strange that when I'm at the gym, my sickness sorta' dissipates.

Somehow the only thing my mind has been drawing for the past few days or so are blanks, hmm doesn't look good for the progress for my coursework :/ Gotta' start on my prep boards soon, like real soon. My hands are getting really itchy and I really feel like drumming, garh.

Beat of the Day: Earth Song - Michael Jackson

fare thee well

2010-07-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

The only thing I can enjoy on Sunday nights, is my father's cooking.

Heh pictures of Youth Sunday or Russell's sending off can't be uploaded just yet because my camera battery is charging for use in AEP tomorrow. Garh I got quite a handful of material to bring to school tomorrow, it's such a drag. Urgh, so it's back to reality. My general work progress hit a rock bottom of absolute 0% this week, but even still, it was the best week of 2010 yet. I hate reminiscing about the past because it makes the present feel so strange and surreal.

Is it just me or is everybody freaking the hell out? People are studying all over the place, it's giving me this sorta' uneasy feeling even though it's not really getting to my head. Should I be feeling stressed? I guess so eh, still searching high and low for more motivation to start studying for the big O. Hope it ain't a good hider.

Ah well, bro it sure was swell having you over here man, hope you had as much fun as I did, or even more eh? See ya in 4 and a half months time aye? ;D

Beat of the Day: Home Sweet Home - Mötley Crüe

clockwise

2010-07-15T21:22:00.002+08:00

The second hand just won't stop moving.

Time is sprinting and I just can't catch it. Heh well, it's been a good week so far, school's been pretty toned down recently, with the occasional "teacher flares" tossed around here and there. Speech Day's tomorrow and I wouldn't say I'm the most student around. I'm pretty certain any of the Sec 4s are actually looking forward to it either, ah well... Ahh, sat's coming :(

Beat of the Day: One-X - Three Days Grace

spaniards

2010-07-12T20:47:00.002+08:00

Well done you Spaniards! Finally, sleep at last.

Beat of the Day: Wavin' Flag - K'naan

foreigner

2010-07-11T22:57:00.002+08:00

Haha BIGGEST surprise of 2010 so far.

God I'm glad you're back, even thought it may only be for a week, but damn, it's good to see ya back bro. Heh now I can't wait for December, somehow everything about O levels and all that nonsense has dissipated. Heh it's a good start to the week, hoping for the best.

fast game

2010-07-09T23:18:00.002+08:00

Let's make this a quickie, posting this from my iPhone because I just got back from worship and I'm too dead tired to go to the computer, heh. Went for a swim today, it was the first time in a few months and to be honest, it felt good to be back in the water and the under the sun again. Though I'm terribly exhausted now, and to top things off, my bike which I rode there got hijacked somehow when I was doing my laps. Locked the frame to the wheel, guess it
was silly on my part too, but still, damn... If I find that guy who took my bike, I'm gonna, I'm gonna... Kindly ask for my bike back (:

Beat(s) of the Day: Bliss - Muse
Taylor - Jack Johnson (He sounds a whole lot like Anthony Kiedis)

Ah well, guess it means more running for me eh? Grr, that's all for today, have a good weekend ahead fellas'. Oh oh and the TJ audition was kinda amusing, heh have high doubts about making the cut.

crack

2010-07-08T00:04:00.002+08:00

Today's post shall be summarized by a simple picture.

Okay nahh, I'm not THAT lazy. Heh I think my Coursework train is starting to get back on track after a long period of derailment. Gradually getting a clearer picture of my process and final product. But I have to say, hard work is really exhausting, I never really knew how working hard felt like till awhile ago, hah.

TJC band trials tomorrow, heh I'm just gonna' go for the heck of it. Doubt I'll be able to impress much though, my sight-reading's gone down the drain recently, hah. Oh well, let's see what doors this opportunity opens eh?

Been into a lot of post grunge stuff lately, I have no idea why haha.
Beat of the Day: Right Here - Doctor Funk
The bass is sick.

stunned

2010-07-06T20:22:00.002+08:00

My God, he's a genius. You should check out his 'making of' video, he's such an ass, haha.

Heh, if you're wondering how I always pick my "Beat of the Day", then I guess it's pretty much the tune that I'm listening to when I feel my best during the day. The song I can really bang my head to wherever I may be or whatever I may be doing. Paralyzer, it's a pretty funky song, go check it out :D Oh and if you weren't wondering how I pick my beats, then... Too bad, you already read the front half, hah.

I guess I was really blind for awhile. Not at looking on the outside, but on the inside.

Beat of the Day: Paralyzer - Finger Eleven

ascend

2010-07-05T12:57:00.002+08:00

My mum claims she a super sense of smell and thinks pretty much everything stinks. My dad claims that he can smell out cockroaches. Look out Adams family, you aren't the only one.

Tonight, I went out for a long walk by the canal accompanied by D! I like the canal, I really do. It's not only the serene environment, it's the kind of place I call my exit zone, the place I go to when I just want to let go, forget everything on my mind. Sorta' like taking long bus rides on your own, you get to hear yourself think for a change, slow down the clock. The only things you can hear are the hundreds of invisible crickets, the MRT trains going along and the occasional wispy joggers that for some reason love to jog at night after dinner. Well, I'm rather relaxed now, feeling more refreshed than ever. Doubt this feeling would be a long lived one though, especially since we're all suffering from that "School's tomorrow after a long holiday" blues. Everybody knows that feeling don't they? No? Oh great...

Well I managed to complete a couple of papers today so I'm rather satisfied with my pace... I think, hah. I guess the hill's only gonna' get steeper and steeper from here, and there aren't any brakes, so do whatever you can and brace yourself.

diminutive

2010-07-04T23:49:00.004+08:00

Seeing my nephews draw such strange little cartoon characters really brings me back to the day. I had to book where I used to doodle all of these imaginary pokemon-like beings in, and by the side, I'd note down what powers and weaknesses they had, haha. How I miss being a kid, don't we all?

I really like family gatherings, though I may not speak much and I don't involve myself in many of the conversations, it provides this homey warm atmosphere where you just feel like you're part of something special. It eliminates the "lonely" factor. The sound of chitter chatter going in your living room really sparks something off. I don't know if it's just me, but I like having people over in the house, it's a nice feeling.

Heh asking my mum not to shout is like asking D (my dog) to stop barking at motorcycles. My mum's voice is a natural boomer. It's like there's a sub-woofer in her throat haha. She screams at the slightest provocations, sometimes I can't help but think if it was my temper that was passed on to her. Come to think of it, it's been awhile since I last lost control of my temper. Oh well, after years and years of being subdued to the screaming and shouting, I think my ear drums have been seasoned to negate unwanted noises. Heh maybe being a drummer helps too eh?

Beat of the Day: Bloom - Scale the Summit

shall we?

2010-07-03T23:31:00.002+08:00

The adult world is a scary scary place. You gotta' see learn how to see past facial expressions, learn to interpret handshakes and most importantly, you got to know who's on your side, who the non-pretenders are. Behind certain smiles shout curses, condemning you, learn to see that.

Heh had dinner all the way at Bukit Timah today for my bro's 21st birthday. Apparently from what the restaurant manager told us, some wooden overhead bridge at 6th Avenue simply collapsed from some collision of some sort. Massive jam took place. We were stuck at Adams Road for about half an hour and amidst the jam we all seemed like frenzied apple fanatics in line for the iPhone 4 or something. Well at least we had go Jap food over there and Shin Yuu! Gorged myself silly, looking forward to burning it off tomorrow. Heh thank God it's a long weekend, I'm starting to see more and more progress in my coursework. The final product is gradually unravelling itself in my mind. Now if I could only get the mental image out of my head and project it on a screen of some sort, that'd really be great. Oh well, till technology comes up with something that can do that, guess I'm stuck visualizing and daydreaming eh? Good luck to those who have their Chinese orals up ahead! Ciao.

Beat of the Day: Fearless - Taylor Swift

dysmorphia

2010-07-02T21:59:00.003+08:00

A photographer is a storyteller, every image regardless of how simple or how complexly composed it may be, it has a story behind it whether intentional or not. Thus we have the phrase, "a picture tells a thousand words". People take photos to gain insight, others view photos seeking inspiration for whatever lackluster situation they may be caught in. In my opinion, if you don't love it, you simply can't do it. Perhaps the only exception would be in the context of education, because I really cannot see how one would enjoy and love doing years and years of examination papers. How!? The graceful lines, retreating horizons and the swirling of colours can all add to the drama and the intensity of the story behind an image. But it all boils down to the photographer's eye, a photographer has to be able to envision the future, to foresee the image he wants to achieve, to have a goal image in mind. Photography somehow sounds like an extreme sport.

Ok now back to daily life:
Heh, what a way to live out the last Sports Day in our Victorian lives how touching, it ended with a bang... of thunder, that is. Ok fine it should be "clap" but whatever, TRYING TO SOUND PRO HERE. If Singapore weather were to be morphed into a graph, it'd probably look like some sort of tangent graph or something. Wait a minute, I don't even know how to draw a tangent graph. Oh well... At least I spent my day productively and didn't rot under the shelter of the ITE track :D

Well, it looks like I never really knew you for who you were. They say love blinds, I'm afraid I concede to that fact. I hope for your own sake that you don't hurt other people, and of course, yourself. I was truly speechless.

Beat of the Day: Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton

thankyou

2010-07-01T21:49:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile since I last did a portrait, so why not eh? Heh, turned out pretty well I guess, happy birthday to Tze Yang in advance :D

Sport's Day tomorrow, WOO!

struggle

2010-06-30T21:49:00.002+08:00

Ow ow ow ow. Getting a clearer picture on what I wanna' do now.

Somehow I miss the air over there in Brisbane. The overall atmosphere is just... relaxing. Can't believe we're already past wednesday. Everybody loves to describe how time passes by so quickly don't they? Before I could even think of any complex sentence structures to emphasize on how time zooms by, I already wasted 5 minutes.

Yay, P.E tomorrow, but there's also MT oral tomorrow, garh. Wish all you Sec 4s good luck with it! Cheers.

Beat of the Day: I Got You - James Brown

blank

2010-06-29T22:17:00.006+08:00

Heh I seem rather blank today. Refer to the first photo for today's mood.

Beat of the Day: Swing Swang Swung - Niacin

colour

2010-06-28T20:30:00.004+08:00

Heh realized I never posted this up here, the final design was without colour cos' it'd just be ridiculously over-priced if we printed it with colour like that. I still prefer it though :D

Always good to add a little colour to your life.

I read the funniest thing yesterday, ironically I read it right here. On my own blog. Heh I started reading the posts that I published 3 years ago, and wow, it sure was refreshing haha. Seriously, just click on one of the months in '07 down below at the archives and keep yourself entertained for awhile. Hard to believe I'm the same person behind the keyboard.

I should probably post something interesting and exciting about the first day of school, but sadly the most exciting thing was probably the rain. At the end of the day, I often like to review or think back about what I learnt in school, but for today, it's a miserable zilch. My eye lids got a pretty good work out today, probably did like 20 reps in total of lifting, screw sleeping pills, if scientists can somehow invent a way to squeeze math and science into a pill, it'd probably knock out an adult cold. Hope my eye lids can be like a 7-eleven tomorrow, open 24-hours. Let's see if Day 2 is any different.

R[E]hab is kinda' going well, I'm letting the water seep through my fingers these days. I'm getting slightly more accustomed to the dead silence at night.

Beat of the Day: Second Chance - Shinedown

Some people are just born for it, inspiration man.

fearless

2010-06-28T01:26:00.003+08:00

Take a ride.

It's a little awkward posting in the dead of night, reminds me of what I'd be doing instead if this was a few months back in the past. Heh, but hey, look at the title on this ol' dead wall. Look not into the past! And dive into the future.

To my dear amigo:
The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
-Nelson Mandela

Don't fear the future and don't look down upon yourself. Don't be ashamed of your flaws but instead you peel them off your very skin and toss them away for bad habits are like scabs after getting cuts or abrasions. If we peel and peel with our itchy fingers, not only does it get worse, it causes us more pain as well. So why the heck do we peel have this urge to peel it then? That is indeed a very good question, but depending on what habits you harbor, the answer definitely varies. Just like the last question on your Chinese O level paper. So what do you do? You wait, it's as simple as that. Don't take any action, just wait for that scab to heal. Because there is no scab that the human body cannot overcome. Let it heal, don't peel. Time will take care of it.

Despite how creepy and distasteful that analogy may be, I hope you find comfort in the fact that there are in fact certain ways to hasten the healing process of scabs. Just take your friends to be the moist towel that has to wipe and clean your scab to battle the horrid infections that might arise from it. That's what friends are for eh? To wipe your disgusting pus-filled scab. Haha, what an analogy. So take it in your stride my friend, knowing that you have us to lean on. I am not an endangered species, there are many of us hear that will be willing to help. Not all may be willing to be that moist towel to clean that scab, but I'm sure we'll all have the same desire of lending you a helping hand.

Psalm 37:4,7
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.

reboot

2010-06-27T19:54:00.002+08:00

Heh all the hooha about school restarting tomorrow isn't really getting to me much. In fact, I'm pretty glad that school's starting again, it feels like I haven't been doing anything with my life lately, not anything productive that is. The faster school ends only means that Os are sneaking up on us.

Somehow I don't seem that stressed anymore, I just feel so indifferent about everything and all the rants about how O levels is just a one shot thing still doesn't really get to me much. The more time I waste here, the more I think about what I'll be doing in school tomorrow, damn there's art. God I feel so lost. Heh I wanna SHOUUUUUUT! Bring it on bitches.

They say I'm crazy, falling apart
Do you like the way I murdered your heart
I'm smart and cagey, I come in the night
If you let me in, you'll give up your life

He like to roll in mud, up to his chin
Now I open my head and let his voodoo in
I rode those sissy bars all the way to hell
Sweet mother justice, I've heard it all
There's nothing left to tell

I hope you didn't need all this for yourself
And the man with the stars says he knows you are
But I just keep singing' la dee dee dah

WHO NEEDS YOU.

Beat of the Day: Serial Killer - Slash's Snakepit

M.J

2010-06-26T11:52:00.004+08:00

I know this is a day late but oh well, R.I.P Michael.

Beat of the Day: Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson

mishit

2010-06-26T11:11:00.003+08:00

Hah, the title could be misread as "mi-shit". Okay never mind.

Mum, "This whole holiday, I haven't seen you study! Have you studied or not?!"
Me, "Yeah."

Heh, I regret to inform myself that that was a lie. Let's review the overall productivity of this holidays:

1st Week: 31st May - 6th June
Had my Chinese O levels, sat for paper 1 and paper 2. Paper 1 went rather smoothly but I think I really really messed up paper 2. Other than that, it was useless school everyday till about 3pm or so. Didn't learn much except for a couple of new concepts in Physics. Week 1 went out the door.

2nd Week: 7th June - 16th June
It was ban practice on Monday in view of the overseas trip that was on the 9th. On Tuesday, there wasn't any practice but Sec 4s had to make a trip back to school in the morning to tape up instrument cases. After that I headed to play soccer over at ECP. And the day after, was Brisbane, Australia. Heh, well I had a good time, and that's all I really care about. Reached Singapore at about 8.30pm on the 16th.

3rd Week: 17th June - 25th June
This week was mostly free, but coming back from an overseas trip just set me in a different mood and it took me awhile to readjust my system to this place we call Singapore. Went to church on Thursday night and stayed over, took pictures for the night games which kinda' made me a little blind. Stayed up all the way till about 5am where I slept on the youth lounge couch will about 11am. Heh made my way back home with enormous eye bags and a very cranky attitude, didn't have any desire to study at all. Slacked the rest of the day. On the 22nd and 23rd I went back to school for intensive Chemistry, knowing that I've already kinda' given up on Chemistry, I was pretty much wasting my time there. After Chemistry, just hit the gym and never had motivation to study. And look where we are.

26th June
Heh two days away from school. Damn... So back to what my mum said. Even if she had seen me study, would she mention it at all. To be honest, I put in a little bit more effort than I usually do for exams for Prelim 1s. Haha, she didn't say smack about it. Staying back in school everyday 2 weeks before the exams till about 9+ or so. Does seeing me study mean that I'll get good grades? Does it mean that if she doesn't see me study, I'm stupid? So if we don't see God, does it mean he's not there? We all love our mums don't we? But sometimes they get WAY out of line.

laterals

2010-06-24T15:53:00.005+08:00

I'M BORED. Shut up.

Latissimus Dorsi, ouch.

Yet another productive day in the life of Daniel, where the only thing he accomplishes is the amazing achievement of achieving nothing. Grats.

cover

2010-06-23T23:48:00.001+08:00

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. (I Samuel 16:7)

countdown

2010-06-23T17:45:00.006+08:00

I can't tell what brings myself to like this photo ^^
VISIT!!! If you haven't been there, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?

Cryin' - Aerosmith

There was a time
When I was so brokenhearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned - yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kinda love was the killin' kind
(so listen)

All I want is someone I can't resist
I know - all I - need to know
By the way that I got kissed

I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down on me

Now there's not even breathing room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same

It's down on me
Yeah, I got to tell you one thing
It's been on my mind, girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you do to me takes my breath away

Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It's a fire I can't resist

'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Til you give your heart away

Heh, if you never heard this song before, you'd probably think it was one of those sad miserable songs where the singer probably sounded like he wanted to kill himself, but no, they somehow managed to piece in these lyrics into an upbeat classic that was a major hit. "Now I'm tryin' to forget you, your love is sweet misery". I really miss you and I'm doing what I can to make myself stop, but some part of me is just really stubborn and hesitant to give in.

Monday draws nearer and nearer each time my finger hits a key, I wanna' kill so much time, kill kill kill, murder murder murder. The ironic thing is that each second I waste my life on this, time is killing me too. Happy thoughts! Ah, who am I kidding, I feel so lost now, don't feel like studying at all. Every drop of blood coursing through my veins is telling me to pick up my books and bury my head deep deep into them, but some mystical force I think called laziness is really putting up a tough fight. Blah blah blah... The more I type, the more this post won't make any sense because this is just another sign of pure laziness at work. Laziness at work, heh is that considered an oxy moron? GARH! I need... to... stop... wasting... time...

Like now...

morality

2010-06-22T21:55:00.003+08:00

Education is the art of making man ethical.
~ Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

If that's the case, I do believe I am ready to move on. But yet, it makes you think, how do subjects like chemistry or social studies or any other subject for that matter, improve your moral principles? Sure, they all say it's about the thought process or about the general knowledge, but isn't there a limit to how much a subject can teach you about thought processing? Sure, I'm just a silly student talking with his biased opinion, but wouldn't a certain thought process level suffice? I just don't wanna' study any more! :(

Hmm, I wonder if the word "morality" has a fixed definition, let's look it up. Well according to dictionary.com
mo·ral·i·ty [muh-ral-i-tee, maw-]
–noun, plural -ties for 4–6.
1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

Haha to me, that just sounds like obeying the law, maybe there is no right definition for the word. If there was, education would be much easier with reference to that quote up there wouldn't it? Ok, I'm seriously just wasting time here, I hate Chemistry is basically all I wanted to say :D

Garh, I hate missing you.

pro.. pro.. procrastinating

2010-06-21T21:21:00.004+08:00

Garh, I'm finding every little excuse NOT to get to work and I'm actually pretty good at it. If there was a career entitled "Procrastinator", I swear I'd be a millionaire right now. Proof? Well I finished dinner at about 8pm and I was gonna' start on my work. But It's almost 10pm now and I haven't touched it haha.

Oh and on a side note, I'll be playing for the 11am service this Sunday, quite excited heh. Hope I don't choke or anything, at least I get to hide behind the acrylic shield.

I hate my lats.

Sigh, chem lesson starts at 1pm tomorrow, what an awkward timing for a lesson to be held at. I guess it'll be good way to ease the school syndrome back into our systems eh? God, I really hate this feeling, I'm sure everybody knows it. The "School's starting again after the holidays and it felt like it's been so short" kinda' feeling, haha. Wish I had a shorter name for that. Well, it's 10pm and guess what, I can never study after 10pm. So chem can kiss my ass goodbye :D

Beat of the Day: Half of my Heart - John Mayer (feat. Taylor Swift)

fathers

2010-06-20T22:53:00.003+08:00

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too.

Who am I kidding, today ain't about daughters, today's about fathers! Happy fathers day to all the dads out there, especially mine. Heh while the typical family would have dinner out at some classy restaurant, my dad chooses to cook a special dinner for us. And I swear, he could become a chef if he wanted to. I love you dad :D

"Rehab" is going quite well today, I'm hoping it keeps up.

I'm back.

2010-06-19T22:29:00.001+08:00

Maybe I should visit this place more often, my english grades need some fine tuning.

When your heart enters a conflict with your mind, that's when you begin to lose your sanity. It's as if it were a grand prix, and the prize was just a moment of delirium. I can't tell if it's my heart or if it's my mind that's in the pole position. I wish 2009 would pay me a visit, I really miss the holidays last year. If it meant that I had to break my hand again to relive that time, I honestly wouldn't mind doing it.

Sadly, no matter how many bones I break, nothing is gonna' bring it back. Well, holidays just started, and I NEED to get to work asap.

God help us all.

On a side note, hello again.

2010-04-25T23:16:00.002+08:00

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, so much has changed and I'm just so bloody clueless and helpless now. I don't wanna let things slide but I guess it can't be helped. Argh, time time time, only he can tell what will happen next. I better get on his good side.

back

2010-04-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

Heh it's been awhile, time and time again it's always the same usual time of absence. God, I miss the past, bro whatever you go through over there, make sure you remember one thing. You have a life back here, it'll always be here for you, and we'll al be here for you when you come back. We always talk about how in life we always come across so many different "species" of people, I guess it's a new habitat over there eh? We all go through our quagmires in life, haha yes that's actually a word. I only found out recently too, heh. Take care bro, I know it ain't easy, we gotta' endure it.

Is there really no such thing as a free meal in life?

bang!

2010-03-24T22:33:00.002+08:00

Yeah exactly like what Jon said, I wanna' just jam and forget everything else going on around. Man, I haven't touched drums in awhile... My hands are itching to get on a set and drum away, aye, if only... I still don't get why I don't have control over my own money, wish I could buy whatever I wanted. Sigh, it's a boring boring week, hope it gets better.

secrecy

2010-03-21T23:21:00.001+08:00

You know... Sometimes I just wished I knew what the heck was going on.

shinedown

2010-03-20T23:48:00.003+08:00

I wish I knew what you were going through at times and I wish I could do more to help but I guess, I can only stand by here. I wish I could be the one that'd always be there for you but there's always the whole world that'll be there too. I guess I won't always be the one that'll be there to make sure you're okay and to brighten up your mood.

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web thatI spin for you

If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong

If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're wrong
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letter that I sent

It hurts to see you hurt and to not be able to do much about it when others can, I wish I was more helpful.

sore

2010-03-19T22:08:00.002+08:00

Man, my body's really aching all over the place, knees, back, ankle. Holidays ain't the holidays after all. When they say it's the holidays, maybe they're referring to the teachers, heh.

now or never

2010-03-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

I guess it was bound to set in, should have mentally prepared myself for it to happen. I was wondering why I couldn't feel the pressure recently but it's finally found it's way to sneak up on me and suddenly, the weight's all on my shoulders and it's building up gradually. I need to find some vent to release some steam cos' it's just rising and rising but it won't get outta' my head.

Thanks for being here for me and understanding, sorry if I made you mad... It's a little topsy turvy now, need to get my bearings right again, I guess I should be fine.

recent

2010-03-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

Sorry about how things have been recently, haven't exactly been having a smooth week myself, I'm sorry.

The minute somebody's ego takes charge, his focus dissipates and his eyes will be plagued by haze. Then, everything just goes downhill. The week is finally over, I really got to try and find the right side of my bed these days. It hasn't been my week, or weeks rather. Please let this be a good week...

fantazy

2010-02-28T20:59:00.002+08:00

Yeah well, it's just a DREAM now, just a dream... Maybe some day.

The night, the day, the dawn of dead, rising from the ground
It's time to see the reckoning
You never had it all this cash
Or country of your own
The land that feeds the rest alone.

When there's no room in hell the dead will walk the earth.

Just come alone and gather round
Till your gonna shake up your aim
Cause one day son this will all be yours
I'm sorry for this mess.

The night, the day, the dawn of dead, view them what you will
A drop of blood could change it all
And soon the day will come my friend
The time to hand it on
So heres to solving our sickness.

When there's no room in hell the dead will walk the earth.

Just come alone and gather round
Till your gonna shake up your aim
Cause one day son this will all be yours
I'm sorry for this mess.

Just come and walk with the dead.
Dead.

Just come alone and gather round
Till your gonna shake up your aim
Cause one day son this will all be yours
I'm sorry for this mess.

Typical slack "I-don't-feel-like-blogging" kinda' post eh? Picture plonk, caption, irrelevant lyrics. What can I say? I'm lazy :D Good luck to everybody who's still having their CAs! Hope this week will be a better week.

drumsyndrome

2010-02-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

I NEED TO SMASH SOME DRUMS. I haven't played a set within the comforts of my home for way to long. It brought me into this realm where troubles seized to exist. I wanna' play a set within 4 walls the I can call my own or I swear I'm gonna' go crazy.

2010-02-23T21:41:00.002+08:00

I WANT MY MONEY !@#$#@%!@#!#@$

He told me that this year has been a complete replica of last year so far, but I remained doubtful. As each day of 2010 gradually unfolds itself to reveal it's veracity, I begin to see the truth behind his statement. Oh please oh please, don't let it be a repeat, I can't afford it to be like that, not again...

I guess this year will crawl into a pensive, somber state. No room for error here, it's now or never, time has been flying by, why can't it fly faster.

SYF

2010-02-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

Here's your t-shirt design -.-

art

2010-02-17T21:01:00.003+08:00

New project, still got alotta' space to work with.

Man, I think I made him tu phat.
I lost my damn drawing of Niraad >:(

back

2010-02-08T19:49:00.002+08:00

Wow, I was reading my old blog posts and man... I don't know what to say. Heh, seems like I've come a really really long way since then. If you wanna' check it out, just add "2009_03_01_archive.html" to the back of my URL. Hmm, I guess I can say I'm rather proud of myself for certain things that I've overcome and for some goals that I met for myself. But then again, everybody goes through their fair share of problems huh? Nobody really has it easy I guess, it's only about how you deal with your problems aye? It's been a heck of a journey and it's only going to get longer and longer, ahh... I doubt the ride's gonna' get any slower this year, in fact, it's full speed ahead from here on. Just look where we are now, it's already February!

I hate to remind myself about this but I guess it's unavoidable, 8 more months to go. The "O" levels, or how I'd like to put it, the :O levels haha. I guess I'm more or less settled into the pace of this year, it's quite a big adjustment compared to last year whereby things were rather smooth and slack-ish but I guess it's adaptable. Hmm, I guess I can say I've been paying attention in class and I've been doing my homework regularly, but I doubt that'd be enough. I might have to take out past year's work to revise. In any case, I'm not exactly feeling much pressure now, but it's probably bound to come eventually so I might as well make myself stressed before I feel left out, haha.

Mm, CNY weeks ahead, hope you guys have a good one, ciao.

Pt.2

2010-01-24T01:38:00.001+08:00

Heh, this is rather amusing.

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin’ low
’stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your back’s to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he’d punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin’ that dam

’cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin’ bad
’stead of feelin’ sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon
They’ll be bursted soon
They’re just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop

crossfire

2010-01-24T01:20:00.003+08:00

Day by day, night after night...
Blinded by the neon lights...
Hurry here, hustlin' there...
No one's got time to spare...
Money's tight, nothing's free...
Won't somebody come rescue me...
I am stranded...
Caught in the crossfire
Stranded...
Caught in the crossfire.

Somehow it just comes to mind. Can't seem to get any shut-eye now, it's kinda' bugging me. Of all times, why'd ma have to talk to me about this at night before I go to bed. Stuck in between two gargantuan boulders that refuse to budge, doesn't seem like any equipment would be suitable to move either of them. They're rolling closer and closer to each other, and if they collide, all HELL is going to break loose, no kidding. But how am I related to all of this? Hmm, I don't exactly have a clear picture of it either, ah well. Lets just say I'm roped to both sides and neither side is gonna' let me go. Or perhaps I just don't wanna' let go of any sides. I wish I could stay outta' this, but how am I to? Heh, I think everybody's getting tired of reading about posts whereby somebody's complaining about his/her own life but not exactly describing the problem in specific detail. You're probably wondering, "Why don't you just tell us your god damn problem already?!".

Well, I'm not trying to gain sympathy, that's the last thing I want to do. I'm probably just typing this to release whatever's stuck in my mind. Let's say you have certain bonds with these familial figures that you certainly cannot break, Figure A tells you to stay away from Figure B' for B' does not meet a certain criteria that is required. But what if B' is already like a familial figure, am I to sever all ties with that one figure? It's not exactly a very easy task to do, heh. Adults certainly do have their child-like problems, but perhaps on a larger more significant scale. Sometimes you can't help but think that all these situations can be solved by talking it over a nice cup of coffee, but no... Overly drastic measures need to be taken to cause more and more troubles for the whole god damn world. Would you rather lose a brother... or would you rather lose a mother... That's not a decision I should be forced to make.

O

2010-01-18T20:28:00.002+08:00

I feel like something's prompting me to post something up, but I don't have any idea what. Neither do I have any idea about what this post is going to be on, but oh well, we'll see.

It feels kinda' disturbing when you see everybody around you so stressed out all of a sudden and you're still feeling pretty laid back, I guess peer pressure is gonna' get to me one of these days and perhaps I'll realise the magnitude of O's. Ahh, how I dread that letter. I can only seek motivation from the end of all this madness, it's the only thing that keeps me in that prison. I really just wanna' get everything over and done with, if only all of my papers were tomorrow... I can only imagine, heh.

Well, at least I can find comfort in the fact that A Math doesn't really seem much like hieroglyphics to me any more. Sadly I can't say the same for the old topics of last year. I don't think I'm lagging behind at all, seem quite satisfied at this rate I'm going. Homework's more or less complete actually, heh. Ah well, let time unfold what this "exciting" year will bring us all. Till then...

change

2010-01-15T23:30:00.003+08:00

Wow, the change in pace from the life of a sec 3 student to a sec 4 student is a rather significant one. Still trying to get used to the whole, "doing homework" thing. It's a rather tough concept to grasp. I realised I haven't gone home straight after school for the past 2 weeks. Feel like having a long afternoon nap but that's simply an impossible task to complete once you've reached the sec 4 year.

I honestly don't know what to type about any more...

alone

2010-01-04T22:14:00.004+08:00

I'm a lonely sad boy for tonight... Just wish I could hear from you. Oh man, I miss you I miss you I miss you. I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Ah, what a nostalgic feeling it was, to be back in school. Feels weird to have leveled up. We are now level 7, and man is it tiring to climb up there. Gonna' have to get used to it, being the most senior in school. Being the ones others look up to. Heh, who am I kidding, I don't really care. I can already tell what a year 2010 is going to be. Heh, whatever it is, bring it on. I'm up to it.

I think...

"L.O.V.E."

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

And love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

And love is all that I can give to you
Love, love, love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
'Cause love was made for me and you
I said love was made for me and you
You know that love was made for me and you

My sweet love

2010-01-01T20:26:00.004+08:00

newyear

2010-01-01T19:41:00.002+08:00

I'm freaking confused in the start of the year... Already. Ahh, my mind's in a mess. Priorities unsorted and things left undone. That's how we're starting off on a high of 2010. I keep trying to shove in that number in to my brain but something's in the way. There's some sort of obstruction preventing me from seeing the light of 2010, perhaps it's the shadows of the year 2009. I'm simply in disbelief that 365 days can come and go just like that. I'm probably gonna' say that every year but things might feel faster or slower in the coming years, who knows. Oh man... I don't know what to do.

Sigh, a somber year lies ahead...

The Seventh
The Seventh
The Seventh
The Seventh
The Seventh
The Seventh
The Seventh

10

2009-12-31T22:27:00.002+08:00

Ah it's been a long year, cheers to the joys and sorrows oh nine has brought to us. Let us leave the essence of this year behind us and move on to a new era.

hardened

2009-12-17T15:08:00.003+08:00

I went in with a determined mindset. I was intent on not having fun, and perhaps that was the main obstacle that prevented me from enjoying myself. My heart was hardened and even though I wanted to have fun, I guess my mind didn't allow it to happen. It's a struggle between your head and your heart, that's probably the most challenging thing to follow in your life. Neither of them will always be correct, I guess it's up to you to access the situation. Well at least I managed to bond with certain people in the midst of the dissatisfaction. Somehow I think he's still knocking on my door, simply waiting for me to unlock it.

Sigh, it's going to be a trying week ahead.
Agenda:
•Recollections - 20th Dec (I don't even know how some of our pieces sound like)
•Holiday Homework - 4th Jan (There's A LOT of it and I haven't touched it)
•Christmas -25th Dec (Need to prepare all the gifts)
•Pastor's Farewell Performance - 27th Dec (I still don't have a clear idea of what I'm going to do)
•Arm Rehab - 29th Dec (Still got to wear a stupid wrist brace)
•School books - 4th Jan (I missed the last day to get them... GREAT)
•Clean up my room - 31st Dec (Mum's idea)

Well, that's all I have to do. The room clean-up is something my mum just won't let go off. I don't know why but she seems to have a problem with MY room being dirty, why should she care -.- And it's not even in that much of a mess in the first place, sigh. The only thing I hate more than people losing their temper, is people who lose their temper with no clear distinct explainable reason, and guess what? My mum's the best at doing that, not one day can she go without shouting, whether it's at my maid, grandma or anybody else. There's an assurance that she'll be angry. Somehow I miss how she was in Japan. So much less "Wait till mummy die then see how the house will be!" Sigh, I hate it when she uses that line. And for me to say I hate people who lose their temper is quite a big deal. As a kid I would lose my temper over the SMALLEST matters. Like losing or dying in a game, I would get all sour and pissed off. Guess people change and mature huh, the last time I really lost my temper was... I really can't remember, haha. Guess I'm not a very angsty person any longer, more calm and preserved.

Wish my sister would get all her clothes out of my room so I actually had space around here. Aye, I'm looking forward more to Christmas eve rather than Christmas day itself. It won't be so lonesome then. So many things to clear off my list, so many things running through my mind. I have a lot of things to do in the next couple of weeks and I really should get started... NOW.

"The man that feareth, Lord, to doubt, in that fear doubteth thee."

BRING IT ON DECEMBER.

baby

2009-12-06T22:32:00.002+08:00

Hehe, it's been a really long time since my last post, guess it's about time huh. Well, things have really changed in the past couple of weeks, just got back from a dreary 9 day trip in Japan and it was kinda' hard to enjoy myself at times. Heh, I can't tell whether I was just tired of being overseas or whether I was tired of Japan. A simple meal would amount to about 8 bucks in SGD. Sigh, missed you so much over there, day and night. Well, at least I'm back now and as happy as ever, heh ^^ All thanks to YOU! So psyched about tomorrow :D Yay.

Heh, hearing your voice is really awesome now :) Just makes me a happier person in general. I can't imagine what my holidays would be like alone. Gar, cast is coming off this thursday! Can't wait to give my right arm a nice scrub, maybe hit the drums a little in school. Aiy, camp this saturday, not looking forward to it :/ Especially since you're going away on that day :( Sigh, I'm going to be a lonely boy for about 2 weeks. Oh well, you'll be on my mind for the whole time :D Thanks for being you, appreciate it! Hehe. Nothing much to talk about for now I guess. THURSDAY!

<3

2009-11-19T14:15:00.000+08:00

BABY(:

2009-11-19T13:23:00.000+08:00

HAHA.

wooptidee

2009-11-11T22:52:00.002+08:00

I wished some people would just disappear for awhile, give me some breathing space is all I'm saying...

Wow, I haven't blogged here for such a long time that I think I've forgotten how to do it. Ah well, lets try and cook up something cheesy and mysterious and pretend that I have loads of problems in my life to gather sympathy from others, hehe.

Aiy, I waited awhile and I think I saw your plane pushing itself past the empty night sky. Well, at least there was one star up there. Well counting you, that'd be two. Man, I'm gonna' be a little clueless for the next couple of weeks.

Ahh, how I love taking strolls down by the canal with my only companion, Baby D. I think he met his special someone today, a really cute white poodle, heh, at least he's happy huh. Heh, I think the runners and fishermen by the canal were quite surprised seeing a boy with an arm cast dancing by himself and singing to his dog. Wonder who that could be. Night's the only time where I really can shed off my hide, be who I really want to be. Nobody to watch me, nobody with authority over me.

Well, I believe that's enough cheesy lines for today, till next time folks.

cash

2009-10-27T21:01:00.003+08:00

Well, considering the fact that exams are over, I should probably be feeling pretty damn free right now. But the spacy freedom is kinda' getting boring already, and school hasn't even closed yet. Maybe it's cos' of my not-so-impressive results. Which neither deproved nor improved.

Agh, headed to the gym today with russell and went yesterday too. Parts of my body which I never knew could ache are aching. I guess I'll be heading there quite often considering how free I'll be this holidays, especially since my drumset isn't coming till December or something, sigh... Might be having doubts about mr Tama Superstar, been researching about Mapex recently and having played some of their kits, I'm rather convinced they good value-for-money kits.

Well I gotta' survive on 8 bucks for the rest of the week, awesome. Please pay back.

finale

2009-10-04T18:42:00.002+08:00

Well, let's have one last post for old time's sake before we head in for the finals shall we?

It's interesting to see how everybody starts to have the reality of this situation sink in slowly to their minds. It's funny how people wake up so late and keep telling themselves that they can make it. Well, 120 hours until then end years commence and there's no way to stop it. Although it starts on a very strange day of Friday, I guess I'll have to accept it since it's making it's way here anyway. Hopefully I'm not one of the students who fall significantly behind the rest of the herd. A score of 15 would make this a rather fruitful year, but I do have my ever so speculative doubts about that.

Sure, everybody's probably overwrought with the fact that this last round of examinations is going to determine whether they get to stay in the school or not, but I guess it's the reason behind all the anxiety that differenciates us and gives us a diverse range of motivations to study. Ahh... the more I think about the end, the more I lose focus on everything in between the beginning and the end which is without a doubt the most crucial part of this examination period. The mere figmentation of the examinations being over is too overwhelming to be ignored, it can't be helped but not to think of the sweet savoury taste of freedom... while it lasts that is. I can only imagine what I'd be doing after the 21st of October, I just can't help but anticipate the rapid change of speed in life. I can't bear to start but yet, this other side of me wants it to start so badly. One side of the mind tells you that you just want to get everything over and done with, but the other side tells you that you gotta' work and study hard for it which is a dreadful thought considering I'm even using this damned machine right now.

Ahh, the taste of salvation is here. Yet a sight of suffering awaits, I don't know what to think of but I feel like I need to come up with a syndrome for "pre-examination sickness" because I'm sure many people share my sentiments. Hmm, PES sound okay for a disease? Oh well, over and out, wish you lads all the best, may God be with you :)

drums

2009-08-10T18:56:00.000+08:00

Ahh, dreaming of a Tama Superstar with a Copper Mist Metallic finish.

Fantasies:
-Sabian 14" HH Medium Hi-Hats
-Sabian 18" HHX O-zone Crash
-Sabian 16" HHX Stage Crash
-Sabian 18" HHX Chinese
-Sabian 11" AAX X-Plosion Splash
-Zildjian 21" A Custom Rezo Ride

Hmm, that's well over 2000 bucks. One day... it'll come true.

Few small tests next week, hope I don't screw em' up.

doubt

2009-07-31T21:19:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats clearing your doubts with the person him/herself. Hearing the words from the person makes it so much more relieving.

I think I took the longest journey I ever took home today. From the unknown territory of Serangoon to the comforts of home, it cost me 3 bus rides. One was to the interchange, the other to a bus stop with the bus I could take home, and finally the ride home. Total time taken was approximately 1 and a half hours, about 20 songs were played on my journey. So taking that each song is about 4 minutes, yeah I guess the timing is around there. The bus was way too crammed to take a nap. Aiy, band tomorrow morning. Starting off with a bang, from drills. I don't know what could be more boring. Ugh... Busy times we live in...

distraught

2009-07-27T22:26:00.001+08:00

It's like a coin toss that you want to be rigged, when everything's against your conscience and you just don't know whether to accelerate or not.
It's like a game of spin the bottle where you want the bottle to only point to one person, and when the bottle's almost ready to point that direction, that person leaves the seat.
Like water through your palms, seeping through the tiny gaps in your fingers. There's no way you can "preserve" all of it. It's a rather confusing feeling.

Your mind says no but your heart wants to say yes. Be smart or listen to your heart, I don't think I can consider it a decision that I have to make, only time will tell.

Yes or no, it's a tough question I never thought I needed to answer.

afk

2009-07-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been about a week or so since I last vandalized this space of mine with random words and rantings. The past week has gone by so fast that I don't really know what I've been doing really. I'm just living life as it comes along. Sooner or later, I've gotta' change this happy-go-lucky attitude of mine, though it seems to get things done efficiently, I can't even remember doing anything at all. Thinking deeper in to it, this year has gone by way too quickly, at least quicker than what I expected. It's hard to keep up with the pace of the transition from a clueless Sec 2 student to an adept Sec 3 student who leads in his CCA and other commitments. I heard the change was going to be big, but I didn't expect to be such a huge step. I guess whining about it won't solve anything but accepting the reality of the situation is perhaps my only option.

I don't know when this prolonged period of absence will last but maybe it'll be short-lived, who knows. AEP has been consuming up quite a bit of my time lately, projects, workshops and exhibitions all need to be covered, not sure if I have the time to cope. Well I can't surmise the outcome when I myself isn't doing anything much to resolve my own needs. With time to come, maybe more answers will be divulged...

12

2009-07-17T22:46:00.002+08:00

I need money! Thinking of selling my drumset and getting a new one in the near future. Hopefully I'll be able to find a buyer.

I wish originality grew on trees, but that'd be pretty ironic wouldn't it? Heh, speech day tomorrow, FINALLY! I really do hope the practices ease up in the weeks to come. Geez, playing for parade is possibly one of the most boring things you can do as a percussionist. Hot weather, thick blazers and 30 minutes or more under the sun, not very nice to experience.

Managed to get a new resonant skin for my snare! Yeah it broke somehow and I didn't really know. Bringing it to school tomorrow, hope nothing happens to it. Love, hate aiy, we all have our own personal problems, it's how you hide it from people that matters. So many different complicated stories from each individual can bring everybody even closer as time matures. Still it's hard to picture friends together in the far future, perhaps 40 years from now (which I hope I'll live to see). Wait and see...

1/2

2009-07-12T22:13:00.003+08:00

1, 2 or 3?

peds

2009-07-12T19:34:00.005+08:00

Ain't she just a beauty? Some day...

Argh, I'm aching in parts I never thought could ache. Finally managed to get a breather from all the daily activities in school. Actually, the only thing occupying my time is band, grr. Went to SIA Group Club after the meeting in church. Headed for the gym then to the pool. My body's really feeling pretty tired now, but my mind isn't. Hate it when that happens, you can't sleep.

Hope tomorrow's lessons aren't too packed with overwhelming information. I'm just too tired to handle it, not forgetting how bad the food in the canteen is. They don't even sell candy anymore, my sugar intake's gone down the drain. Well at least there's two periods of Bio tomorrow (:

PS: I don't take Bio.

anti-cig

2009-07-11T20:34:00.004+08:00

Funny how anti-ciggs comics always make it seem more bad ass.
All credits go to ~Bob-Rz of http://deviantart.com ®

Dying to get in the water.

speech

2009-07-10T21:21:00.002+08:00

Garh, it was a tiring day today, can't imagine standing in the hot sun for so long in our blazers during speech day next saturday, there's going to be alotta' sweat shed, can't wait for it to be over. Today was yet another slack day lessons-wise, math teacher didn't come so it was 3 free periods after recess.

I love the night weather, watching the light reflect of the water in the canal, seeing people running, hearing the crickets, it all happens after dark. My arms are aching now. Band practice as usual tomorrow, what a surprise, sigh.

distrust

2009-07-09T20:26:00.007+08:00

I don't get what I'm supposed to do to gain some trust back.

First duty as IQM was stock check, didn't exactly know what to do so I just took it as sort of an attendance taking, making sure the instruments were all present I guess. Then had to take the Sec 1s alone thanks to my two faithful Sec 3s who abandoned me cos' one had "stuff" to do and the other had Chinese tuition. Didn't help that I was starting em' on mallets today, don't really know my basics very well, I can't say I'm a very good mallet percussionist either, hope my "theory lesson" wasn't too much of a bore for them. Oh didn't help much that SOMEBODY dropped the gong frame's leg on my big toe, put me in a whole lotta' hurt.

It's all for the blues...

sway

2009-07-07T18:46:00.006+08:00

Treez by ~baby-drummer23 on deviant ART

Well I guess life's like that. You gotta' stand and embrace the wind and rain and hope you don't get uprooted. You can only hope for the Sun to come up and bring you some light.

Though I may not know you at all, I do feel sorry for you to be in such a situation, you may not require my sympathy but I guess it's human nature. I wonder what adults are thinking when they're in their long-term relationships. Do they get bored of the opposite party? Aiy, there's so little I can do. I'll have to choose my words wisely.

Oh by the way, do check out my gallery :D I've been trying to promote it for awhile, hasn't been all that successful. For some reason I can't upload any pictures up here to blogger, grrr...

padre

2009-07-06T13:34:00.004+08:00

With a beer in his hand and a gun in the other, he's ready to shoot, about to pull the trigger. The muzzle pointed towards the sky, if he shoots, his body would fly. He thinks he is drunk, but he's as sober as a priest. The sweat excreted from the pores of his forehead widens, and it comes pouring. His finger's on the trigger, his mind is in a mess. Once his finger moves south, his body will be laid to rest. "Bring back those Sundays", he says, a week with 6 is not a week at all. Bring back those Sundays...

Boom...

Sometimes random stories and text just float around in my head and I just need it to get off my chest even though I don't exactly know what I'm really even talking about. Doubt anything really makes sense, unless you really read deep into it.

I'll have to take awhile to get used to this jet black hair of mine, but I guess I won't be in any trouble in school now, heh finally. Homework's more or less complete too. I find it really ironic, that this so-called "holiday" called "Youth Day" is spent cooped up at home doing work restricted by the heavy rain pouring outside. This is truly great depiction of our youth ain't it? Gar, I was planning to cycle to tuition today, but I guess that was just a fantasy, there's no possible way I'd get there without my clothes soaked in rainwater. Ah well, I guess I'll have to wait for it to subside, I won't even be able to walk out to the bus stop dry.
Wow, awesome timing, I just got a phone call and my dad's going to be able to pick me up, woohoo. New week ahead, '09 is really a very swift year isn't it.

Familia poner tudos juntos.

SL

2009-07-03T20:29:00.003+08:00

Wow, as you can see from the date of this post, I haven't exactly had any time at all this week to update this old whiteboard. Well I guess I'll have to settle for Section Leader and Instrument Quartermaster, haha, I think I need a little time for me to let the duties settle in to this thick skull of mine.

Ahh, the weather has really been pretty erratic, just like how school has been. Aiy, from yesterday's performance inside the Swiss Hotel I've seen what music really can do for Asians. I never knew us Asians could party so hard to music coming from a concert band on a minute-sized stage, especially the athletes from Laos, they were a crazy little bunch of bald people dancing so hard on their seats, hah. By the last song that we performed, everybody was outta' their seats and circling the ballroom in mambo lines, people were on each others' backs, it was kinda' like Madagascar, heh.

Oh and yeah, I've almost regained my sleeping routine though I still am waking up late at times... okay most of the time, but I'll learn soon. Heh, glad to know I'm not on the top of the homework hit list this time, I'm starting to get organized. At least the start of this term wasn't that bad, I relatively understand most of the new topics like C.G for physics and Trigo for math. Chem's a whole new different story, heh. Speech day rehearsal today was a bore...

air

2009-06-28T20:02:00.003+08:00

Mm, the air is cleaner now. Truths are unravelled, I guess our visions are mor clear now. I hope people see beyond rumours and gossips. It's really irritating how the whole world starts feeling bad about themselves leaving you nobody to really talk to. So many things have happened over the past couple of weeks.

Well today, the last day of the holidays. Technically weekends aren't exactly considered holidays are they? So I guess the June holidays ended on Friday, oh well. Well my hair's more or less black, it's short and my EZ-link card's topped up. I guess I'm all set and ready to go, not. Mmm, the class is probably due for a check-up with the principal soon after the holidays about the homework completion progress.

Out goes the break and in comes the school term once again. Let's get ready.

D.C.I

2009-06-26T20:03:00.003+08:00

Wow, I'd love to try out tenors some day.

Took lil' D out for a walk today, saw some really cute looking dogs like two highland terriers and a really pretty husky with deep black eyes. Weather today was pretty awesome though it was still pretty hot in the afternoon, it got much better after that though. Garh, any small amount of food consumed a couple of hours before a long run effects you greatly, your stomach will fill the pain later on.

Ah, handover tomorrow, who knows what post I may get -.- Oh well let's get it over and done with. Hope Mr. Tan doesn't flare up tomorrow.

news

2009-06-25T21:38:00.002+08:00

Argh, I hate visiting new barbers that I'm not familiar with, it gives me that eneasy feeling that I'm not going to talk outta' that place with a normal hairstyle. I guess those feeling were brought to reality and made me realise one thing. The phrase, "don't judge a book by it's cover", does apply to saloons as well. Maybe it'd sound something like that, "don't judge a barber by his/her saloon." The place didn't look to shabby, it had little 3" monitors in front of you that played Just For Laugh gags, haha, too bad I couldn't exactly see the screen cos' my eyesight's too bad. Urgh, my hair really looks retarded now, guess I'll have to wait awhile before it sprouts. Well, couldn't expect much from a cheap haircut I guess. Umm, I think my hair is more or less black? I'll have to seek my teacher's "thumbs up" I guess.

DAMN, school's opening in a few days time. Gotta' update my daily brain patterns and my "holiday routines". System overide! Aiy, let's see what H1N1 has done to school. Maybe I'll give a few intentional coughs and sneezes in class, I wonder where that'll bring me, heh.

sped

2009-06-24T23:19:00.004+08:00

Well, I guess each and every person has a variety of "ideations" of the mind of the opposite gender. Each single person will have their own perspective of how to appease the other, what the other party thinks, feels and experiences. It's all a matter of learning I guess. Everyone will have different ways of expressing themselves, showing how they feel. Some people might not even show it at all, so the test is to find out.

Wow, 3 posts in one day, that's got to be an achievement of some sort, do I get a medal or something? Sigh, it's nearing the end of the month which means the phone bill is coming, I have a bad feeling about this month. All the messages sent to juniors to notify them of pracs and stuff. I don't know how to keep track of the number of smses I send with this new phone, wish I could get a new plan with unlimited free msges or something, that would be cheaper anyway. Oh well, school tomorrow, ugh gotta' take them Sec 1s. Sigh... AYG -.-"

revamped

2009-06-24T14:34:00.004+08:00

Changed my set-up a lil' bit. Yeah, I love it so much, I made a collage okay?

Heh, while cleaning up my room found some old book which I used to write random things in.

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen.
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What do we have here?"
Thos prints, large, enormous and neat,
But, Lord they aren't shaped like feet.

"My child," he said in somber tones,
For miles I carried you alone,
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed-up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because iin life there comes a time,
Where one must fight, and learn to climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints on the sand..."

I think I copied it from somewhere, I'm not sure.

Change is inevitable in our modern day lives but I guess the controllable factor is the amount of change and the path of change.

preps

2009-06-24T00:25:00.002+08:00

Well, few things I gotta' do before school reopens since I heard that the holiday extension is nothing but a mere myth.

- Hair Cut $9.00
- Dye back hair to black $10.90?
- Top up EZ-Link card $20.00
- Find my textbooks ;Few hours
- Complete homework ;Forget about it...

Hmm, the first 3 "assignments" require financial funding. Should've cut my hair earlier to prevent going back to school looking like everybody else with that "fresh haircut" look with the shaved sideburns and all. Well I guess it's too late, unless I cut off less hair, which would kinda' defeat the purpose. Oh well I haven't had short hair in quite awhile, so why not make a bright change to the start of a rather dull-looking semester that's being dragged down by all the hooha over the H1N1 virus. I don't think there has been any fatalities due to it here in Singapore, let's hope that there won't be a first then. To all those who have contracted this grim disease, I pray that you do recover well and that you be responsible and stay away from any "healthy" people.

Garh, the performance for AYG is coming up, 2nd July is nearer than I thought it was. Percussion is only going to have what, 7 people? 3 Sec 3s, and 4 Sec 1 "colt" novices that don't count for much. Sigh, it's going to be a tough performance and we haven't even started rehearsals. It's going to be on LIVE TV, we're screwed. Oh well, hope for the best and hope the camera doesn't zoom up close on any one of us to cause us humiliation. I should probably go off to bed now, chinese tuition tomorrow T_T

I should drum to my heart's content while I can.

meaningless

2009-06-22T20:41:00.003+08:00

I had one of the most pointless conversations with my mum after I got back home.

She said, "Do you want tuition for your maths?"
"Nah, I don't want."
"Ok, I'll ask some guys from my tuition centre if they can help."
"o.O'
"Or would you rather have science tuition since kor can help you with your maths anyway? Aiya forget it lah, you don't even want to study anyway."

O.O WTH! I don't get her sometimes. Ah well, time is slowly drifting away and pretty soon my body and mind will have to adapt to the hardships of school life once again. The typical waking up and snoozing the alarm clock when I wake up in 6am. The morning shower, the dragging of feet in to the car, etc. I dread the week ahead and the week to come after. Maybe I should try waking up early these few days so I won't have trouble next week waking up for school. Homework homework homework, argh.

b.u.s.y

2009-06-19T21:21:00.003+08:00

B.U.S.Y!

Ugh, school starts at 9am tomorrow. Gotta' go give sectionals and teach em' Sec 1 kiddos', it's really going to be a hard time. Should end at around 1pm, after that, there's the jam session at 3pm at church which I kinda' have to play for or they'd lack a drummer. Jamming ends at around 5pm or so and then after that's worship practice which I have to attend again because Graham's busy. Damn, tomorrow's going to be a hell of a long day, and a rather monotonous one at that, sigh.

On a brighter note, I managed to get the EC2 skin for my 13" rack tom and the 22" EQ1 skin for my bass drum, it was such a pain in the ass to tune it up nicely but I guess I more or less kinda' got the sound I'm looking for, still a lil' ringy, I'll have to adjust that some other day I guess. Ugh, there goes 3 weeks of my stinking holidays, hopefully all this talk about the 1-week extension to the holidays due to the H1N1 flu here in SG has some truth behind it, maybe then I'll have some time to complete my homework. Sciences left, I hate self-studying science topics, especially topics like "Uses of Ammonia" and "Air". Just bores the hell outta' me. How I wish I didn't have to play tomorrow.